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Fool for love; Walking 101 + days for love .
Hello, crazy grief struck butch here, going on a pilgrimage.
I’m walking out my door on April 1st on a 101- day -plus, Walking pilgrimage across Canada.
I need your help.
Why:
My beloved wife Catherine has died, taken from me suddenly in a plane crash after only ten years of bliss. I cannot make sense of it; she was my light and my light has gone out. I don’t even like walking but I feel I must walk. I need to put one foot in front of the other.
When:
I’m leaving , April 1, because I’m a fool for love.
Where:
Go here for route info (and eventually current location info):
http://sdholman.com/walkforlove/route
Vancouver East to however far I get…
One might ask why Canada, why not Ireland were Catherine’s people came from; where they have rolling hills and inns are set up for this sort of mad walking across a country. Why not Europe? Where they give you wine in the morning for your journey and a for sure place to rest your head at night. And they are a lot shorter pilgrimages.
This pilgrimage for love is penance for the dead and… for the living. This is a walk not of rolling glens and peaceful hillsides this is a wilderness of the heart, a Canadian pilgrimage. An ordeal, a walk about, a walking mediation across Canada. I need to walk out the door and just keep walking.
More Why:
Catherine was a social worker and an advocate for the disenfranchised. The reason Vancouver has queer health programs like Boys R Us, Pride Health Services, Transgender Care Program Positive Women’s Network support is because of Catherine’s work to create services for queers, transsexuals and street homos. She made space for us. She wrote the book, literally, on best practices in the care of GLBT patients, when she co-penned Guidelines for Transgender Care and Care of Transgender Adolescents, which describe standards and practices for care used by medical professionals all over the world. Catherine was a founding staff member at the Three Bridges clinic and worked on the frontlines of the HIV epidemic. She was a constant advocate with literally thousands of people on her client roster. She saved a lot of lives and she saved them with love. She believed that the marginalized were not loved enough by society, by family, by the world; that is how she approached her work. She saved lives because she listened and acted with compassion and love.
Now she is gone.
I can’t do her work. All I can do is try to keep going, to honour her. In that spirit, this walk will be a fundraiser for the Catherine White Holman Memorial legacy Fund raising money for poor Queers and poor queer artists. This integrates both Catherine’s work life with marginalized queer folks, and her private life as lover and supporter of the arts. The Canadian Jewish congress says that GLBT folks are the most oppressed people in the world.
How:
I’m not really prepared for this. I honestly don’t know if I have the fortitude to do it. I will be counting on the kindness of friends and strangers. Here’s some of what I need, plus a form so you can get in contact with me and the folks who are helping me: http://sdholman.com/walkforlove/how-to-help
We live in time where there is a pill to fix everything. We are supposed to be happy, be happy now. We are a death-denying culture; we are supposed to get back to work after three days of bereavement pay. I don’t see happy shiny people; I see a lot of people in pain, people trying to get through the next moment, the next day, putting one foot in front of the other.
If I can walk through some of the pain, take it with me and just let it go somewhere in the wilderness, maybe I can get through this. If together we make a small contribution and help some folks, like Catherine did, maybe someone else can get through too. A friend said recently that resistance is important not because it stops oppression but because it keeps us human.
more about Catherine White Holman:
http://www.vancouversun.com/Remarkable+social+worker+among+people+killed+Saturna+plane+crash/2291224/story.html
http://www.sdholman.com/catherine/guestbook.html
100 days, 100 nights, before you know a mans hearts…. and a little more before he knows his own…..
Sharon Jones
Here are a few of the latest posts in the Travelogue:
- 2010-06-24» Day 84 June 23, 2010
- 2010-06-22» Day 82 June 21 Ontario
- 2010-06-17» Day 77 June 16
- 2010-06-15» Day76 June 15
- 2010-06-15» Day 75 June 14
Shaira,
I keep meaning to write you…or call…but I don’t know what to say…you have constantly been in my thoughts…I keep sending out strength to you….my eyes break when I think of your loss…our communities loss…and if I could shoulder some of your pain, I’m here.
Will be sending this out to as many folks as I have in my contacts lists and encourage them to continue the message.
Is anything going to happen before you go? Would help if you need it.
Shawn
I already sent this to Shaira/Sid on Fbk. My new beau has made a life of walking/hiking across Canada, US and Mexico. Also, I have contacts in various cities that may be interested in putting Shaira/Sid up for the night. We are all on tight timelines here and I want to make sure I am getting through all the masses of messages, emails, etc. re: having Sid hook up with Alex so here is my message again:
Hi there Sid: I just posted a little something about your amazing Walk For Love. So beautiful and fitting.
I have a brand new beau, Alex Gove, who has made a life of walking/hiking and biking all over Canada, US and Mexico.
He has a lot of expertise in the area. Please check out hir web site I think there is an email on the site. In any case, s/he’s coming in from Nelson to visit me next week from Weds. March 24 to Sun. March 28. If you want to speak to or email hir, I can arrange it.
Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. I can also make a small donation of $25 to the cause. Where do I send it?
Take care, dear one, xo! Elaine
Hello Shaira. I will forward your link onto those I know in the Prairies….
I hope that this brings some measure of peace – although I know that nothing but time can bring that, but having a focus and being able to do something to honour such an amazing woman has got to be good.
I wish you all the best!
Kris Sutherland
Your words and thought are very inspirational and it sounds like you had an amazing true love. I think that what you are doing is fantastic and i wish you the best of luck. Candice
Shaira, be strong and be patient, time will help you heal.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
-Mary E. Frye
Good luck and <>, you’re in our thoughts.
Barbara
You are brave, you are strong.
One step after another.
good luck.
-j
I would put you up, supply some food, drive your back pack, whatever is needed when you find you’re way to Calgary. e-mail when needed. the goddess in me greets the goddess in you. blessings and fortitude coming your way. Davina
Shaira…I wish you were coming up to our area but alas that is not on your route! I am trying to get a fall fund raiser to happen here at TRU to keep your fund going.The Pride community is behind you all the way. You are right that we do not live in a culture that honors the journey through grief. I have dealt with over 10 deaths in a short three year period and that is not easy to heal from when they just keep coming. Catherine was a mentor of mine back in the day..she inspired me to be who I am and not who others expected me to be.
I will honor her in many ways but trying to raise some $ for the fund is one way I can concretely see to heal my feelings.
Faith, hope and rays of sun to you my dear!!
Shaira, this is you:
A spiritual warrior is a person who bravely
battles with the universal enemy, self-ignorance (avidya), the ultimate source of
suffering according to dharmic philosophies. [2]
The term is applied in religious and metaphysical writing. There are
self-described spiritual warriors. [3]
The spiritual warrior can be described as an archetype
character on a journey for self discovery to benefit others. [4]
I have posted you on my Facebook page and people from ‘everywhere’ are responding.
You are the very definition of the word ‘Hero’.
Dane
Heya, I really haven’t known what to say up until now. I remember meeting both you and Catherine for the first time during Pride weekend. And I thought to myself, what awesome folks, and I am blessed for having met both of them. You both shined with a love for life, and a warmth that is rarely seen in my neck of the woods. And then, I was flabbergasted to learn that shortly after my return back to the States, you had lost your beloved Catherine. And I thought to myself, “NO, it is simply just unfair, how can the Universe be so cruel?????”. And I still have no answers.
I understand you need to just walk, oh, do I ever.
And hell, if I was a Canadian resident, I would welcome you with open arms if you needed a place to stay and feed you if you needed food.
Sadly, I am not though. I am American.
Know though, that I am sending all the grace and support I can, and in spirit I will be there with you every step of the way.
*huge behr hugs*
May your journey be swift and safe, and may your experiences be unforgettable.
~Behr
Sid,
Please consider a stop in winnipeg – we have a space for you to stay.
Stacy
Shaira,
I don’t know you, and I didn’t know Catherine, but I do know many of the people who were touched by her. I have watched them mourn in their own ways. I have been a shoulder/ear/distraction, as needed.
I wish you a safe journey. I hope that the walk helps you heal from this horrible loss. I will share your story with my friends that may be along your route, in hopes that you find a safe haven to lay your head each night.
Take care,
Brandy
I need contact info for you Shaira. I have some support to offer you during this time of obvious need.
You helped me when I was starting out in my career and I want to do something for you and Catherine now.
May you be strong on your journey.
Hello Shaira,
I believe we know one another, or did, many years ago. When I saw your FB group, I was sure that you are the Shaira I remembered from my childhood. I believe you were friends with my mother, Brenda Kjar (also friends with the late, great Keely Moll, and that whole wild gang.) I was likely a very small girl when we last saw one another, likely in Rock Creek, not Vancouver.
In the even that you are not the Shaira I recall, I still want you to know that I think what you are doing is beautiful, powerful and unbelievably admirable. My mother died, suddenly, in 2001 and I know the debilitating nature of grief, so I truely commend how you have turned your loss into something so positive and so inspirational.
I wish you luck and thank you for this mighty contribution in Catherine’s honour, and to the greater good of the world.
Sincerely,
Sarah Letain
of course i remember you Sarah and your lovely mom and my friend Brenda. thank you for you good words, i wish you the best!
SD
I hope you survived the torrential downpours and high speed winds yesterday. I was thinking of you all day. All is well on the homefront. JC is eating and doesn’t mind me sleeping in HER bed at night. I’ve been singing to them. Canright loves it and stares at me adoringly! I think I have a groupie!
Take care Shaira.
Snowing were i was. and glad you are serenading my Canrith thank you!
SD
Hi Shaira,
I read the XTRA! article and was very touched by the loss of your beloved partner, Catherine. I’m sending you my very best wishes for a successful Journey by Foot across Canada! Hoping you’ll find many helping hands and hearts along the way.
thx!
How very beautiful.
These photos are all sso great…beautiful…Makes me pine for the road…
Keep on truckin’ and snapping.
Phoenix Wisebone
Shaira,
I keep meaning to write to you as I follow your journey. I check the posts when I get into work in the morning. My name is Jason and I have taken Catherines position at Three Bridges. I didn’t know her, but I feel like I do now that I have been through a process of discovering the work she did and doing my best to set myself up to follow in such big shoes. There was so much information on resources that she had cultivated in her office. My first job was to inventory it all, try to wrap my head around all of it, and begin to build the same relationships she had in the community. I am doing my best to do this job with the same integrity and veracity. I have been told she would hate how I have organized things all so linearly, but I think we make a great team, Catherine and I :) I would just like you to know, at this point, that so much of Catherine lives in her work, that her work continues, and that her spirit lives here in the clinic.
Take care on your journey. Our thoughts are with you,
Jason
Dear Shaira, You have a place to stay if you come to London, Ontario, probably several places to stay. I’m organizing a fundraiser for your walk hopefully with Linda Wayne. Linda is a lesbian here in London who whose PhD work was in the field of transgendered studies (Culture I think) I heard about your walk from Integrity London (Integrity is an organization of LGBT folks and supporters in the Anglican church) However, I’m guessing you have way more connections than I do since I’m an introvert. I’m really supportive of your walk for whatever it is you choose to express through it. I have not yet lost a love to death as strong as yours and Catherine’s but I do know the pain that can drive you into the wilderness. I’m heartened to know your dog companions you. And, if I may, I will keep you in my prayers as you journey through grief. All the best dear sister, Lisa
I hope this walk helps to provide you some peace. I used to love walking, it centred me and calmed my spirit. I wish the same for you wherever this journey takes you. I pray for a safe trip and the comfort and kindness of strangers along the way.
I think of you on your journey, and wish you safe passage. I will repost this to my page, gladly, and hope others will as well to spread the word of your journey and of of the great loss of Catherine.
Your “Walk for Love” is a fitting tribute to a fabulous woman who sounds like a great community contibutor!
I would like to contribute financially to your walk but don’t know how to do that without a snail mail address. Could you kindly give me an address I can send a cheque to? Thank you! Our thoughts/prayers will be with you as you travel! In sisterhood, Sylvia J. Brightwell
Hi Shaira,
I wanted to send you best wishes and solidarity on your ongoing Walk for Love, in Catherine’s name. I hope you and Tilda are safe and strong. What you are doing is truely amazing – and I know that you will get the biggest welcome at Toronto Pride in July. Good luck as you continue on – East Van is 100% backing you.
Sincerely,
Libby Davies
MP Vancouver East
Thank you so much Libby
i didn’t really know Catherine. I admit that now. But she was a really close friend of my mom… and my mom’s friends are my friends and i mourned her loss. i support you Shaira, even though i don’t really know you… yours is the house with the driftwood fence, right? that’s cool.
i admire your devotion and love, shaira. i really do.
all my love, maddie.
ps. i’m 13. if that’s relevant.
also, my mom is Carolyn Summerfield and my other mom is Sue Burkholder. i think you know them.
hi Maddie,
thank you so much for your post, it means a lot to me. Yes our house is the one with the driftwood fence, Catherine and I made it years ago, it needs some repair now.
thank you for writing to me that is also very admirable.
Love,
Shaira
hey you in manitoba! i have a song for you, two in fact that go into one. do you have an ipod that you can download from your lil netbook?? i have one that can do it… but it depends on your little book and ipod… i`m sending them tonight via your email and yousendit.com they are for you and catherine… heart. cris derksen
Hi cris thanks, i do have an iphone, that is amazing and thoughtful, thank you!
SD